Two Month Reflections and Happy Birthday to our Dads!

I actually wrote this particular blog post over a week ago but we have been pleasantly busy with visitors (don't worry, that blog post is already in the works) and I am just getting around to posting this up.  Also, Mark's Dad's birthday was yesterday and my Dad's is today so a big Happy Birthday from Squamish!
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It is hard to believe that two months have already gone by, but at the same time has it only been two months?! 

This is the first time I haven’t been in school or been transitioning between schools.  This is also the first time I have not had a job in a while.  I have always been very driven to do well, whether it be in school or at work.  So now that both of those are out of the picture, climbing has taken its place.  Which in a way is awesome- I get to work on bettering myself as a climber, but at the same time, if I am not constantly getting better, or I have a bad day, it is easy to get down on myself. 

Just the other day I got myself super psyched up to try the first pitch of a climb called The Great Game.  The first pitch was the crux pitch at 10d, and would have been my hardest lead on gear (Indian Creek doesn’t count for all intensive purposes) yet.  I started up the pitch and right off the bat there was an awkward bulge to get over.  I placed a couple pieces and finally figured out beta to get over the bulge.  I definitely struggle with awkward climbing so this was not the best start.  I made it up the next 40 feet then got to a part where I had to climb above gear and couldn’t place gear whenever I wanted.  At this point I was pretty gripped and there was really no fun being had.  I was finally able to place a few pieces and decided to bail so Mark could finish it up.

Due to an overall lack of psych and fun we bailed after the first pitch.  I was pretty bummed and as we were walking down, Mark and I got to talking about what we really enjoy about climbing.  And for me- I love doing hard moves, getting strong, and the feeling of confidence I have after doing something I didn’t think I could do.  Not included in that list was getting scared or pushing it on lead all the time, especially on gear.

Sometimes I get really frustrated that I don’t lead harder on gear. I know I am capable of pulling the moves on 5.10 pitches, but when I get on lead, I start to doubt everything, which does not have the best outcome.  But I think after yesterday I realized that a) I need more mileage before I am pushing grades but most importantly I need to b) be having fun.  Why climb if I am not having fun?  Why save up a bunch of money to feel inadequate for six months?  If I am going to base the success of this trip on how hard I climb then I am just setting myself up for disappointment. This doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t try harder climbs, but I think there are certain settings that I still have fun, while pushing myself mentally. 

In Smith when I was working Latin Lover (my first 5.12), I was always having fun.  I always felt safe, I always felt comfortable between bolts, and I was willing to fall trying moves.  But put me above a bomber piece of gear and I am still not willing to fall.  This unwillingness to go for it holds me back and my climbing just deteriorates.  For me there is a balance between pushing myself and having fun.  And that sweet spot where they overlap is where I want to be.  Finding that balance is harder than I thought.

So back to the other day- I think I realized that I need to adjust my agenda for this trip.  Fun first, climbing hard second.  Of course once I was coming to this realization and feeling better about bailing off the climb, I got stung in the elbow by a wasp.  Go figure.  Maybe it was the universe’s way of telling me to not over think climbing.  Just have fun, push yourself when you want to, and don’t get down on yourself for not always pushing it.  Some days, you just gotta top rope.

Since we have left that has definitely been the most significant realization I have come to.  I am pretty sure anyone could have told me this, and Mark has, but I think it was one of those things you have to discover by yourself.  Some things are just best learned the hard way, right?  (ask my Mom about the time I insisted on touching the iron)  Of course I have realized other things: having a dog makes life better, having the means to stay in touch with friends and family is crucial, and food is really expensive in Canada.  Those are way less profound so I will spare you the details.

Long story short- I am still psyched to be on the road with Mark, I am learning more about climbing and myself everyday, and I would like to teleport Buddy and Mia (my family’s dogs) to our apartment. 

As an aside, my wasp sting is finally on the mend despite a fairly pronounced reaction. After spending a couple days in a Benadryl induced stupor with swelling causing confusion as to whether I had been stung or had elephantitis, I decided to check out the Canadian healthcare system.  Interesting, but once is enough for me!

xoxo

Lauren (and Mark)